Counselling Services

Affair Recovery  

An affair is a violation of trust between intimate partners. It stretches the intimate emotional bond to its limits. It has the power to be a death blow to a marriage. Many couples cannot bear the pain of facing each other and trying to rebuild a damaged relationship.

For those who are deeply wounded, yet courageous enough, or conflicted enough to say you want to try to see if you can stay together, we can help.

The crisis of infidelity may be the wake up call to what was seriously wrong in your relationship. Before there is enough good will to begin to build trust, the hurt partner must recognize that his/her heightened state of emotionality is normal. He/she must begin to feel safe again. This takes tremendous effort from the unfaithful partner to demonstrate how sorry he/she is for hurting their partner. It also takes time to heal the pain and trauma.

Our counselling follows the principles of the highly respected, well-researched work of Janis Abrahms Spring, author of After The Affair.

The three stages of recovery are:
  • Normalizing the Feelings of both Partners,
  • Deciding whether to Recommit or Quit
  • and finally Rebuilding the Relationship.

Success Story

A couple in crisis called for counselling after the disclosure of his affair. The wife was devastated. She had always believed that cheating was the worst thing a person could do. She had seen a lawyer and was seriously considering divorce.

The couple had been having some, mostly minor, difficulties together since the beginning of their 20 year marriage. They were busy people with two active teenagers and their own careers. They felt they had an O.K. marriage until the disclosure of the affair. They came weekly together and each began with their own therapist on recommendation. They were in such emotional turmoil that at first a safe place to talk with one another had to be created in the sessions. She was taught about how long these extreme feelings of betrayal would last and encouraged to not make a decision as to whether to end the marriage until she began to feel more like herself. He was taught how to own up to his actions despite his shame. He learned to empathize with the pain and suffering his affair had caused his wife. After six months in therapy each began to feel calmer and able to maintain their composure. They were then ready to make a commitment to examine the neglected issues in their marriage that had accumulated prior to his unfaithful, irresponsible actions. They both were taught how to communicate feelings, have respectful conflict and solve problems as a team. They stopped avoiding issues as they had in the past.

After a year, they had recommitted to stay together and were having a much more satisfying marriage than either could remember. Communication flowed, big issues got solved or little ones forgotten. There was much greater emotional and physical intimacy. Their children saw how much happier their parents were and their behaviour and the home atmosphere was more light-hearted. Friends and colleagues noticed how much calmer, content, and confident each of them was.

If you are interested in reading some excellent books, click here.

Here are some excellent newsletter articles you may want to read:

If you would prefer to listen to some excellent audio books which might help, click here.